Love Today

My heart withers easily; a rose laid out for the afternoon heat.

I feel the corner that it retreats to. I feel the scab that it picks. I saw the window that it closed. I saw the angle which its lens were focused. I know the key which it has lost. I know the moisture that it craves. I pity the envy it has over cactuses – self-contained, defensive, but also saves. I hate the thorns that it had allowed to grow – they hide behind the deceiving bloom; they hurt its lovers.

They hurt me.

Behind the camaraderie the clown applied too much make-up over a tear-stricken face. Behind the shell the cocoon could not grow wings. Behind the words the emptiness spreads and spreads.

Words failed me. Or have I failed the words?

I do not know how to describe these emotions. All I know is that they fed off my little elations and drinks from my rationalism. I focused my defenses on Gratitude, but I see their advancement and I have no war cries. I have an army, somewhere, but I’m too weak to command.

Twenty. The part where I got lost. The plot becomes chaotic, the flow disturbed. Looking forward only shoves me backward. Expectations became a personal burden; it drags me down. Not the first time.

Importance is personal. What is important to me is just not to others. Plain as that. They are beautiful, wonderful. They made it half-full. They just… forget. I love them to bits. Perhaps its better to love them as a whole.

In times like this, when emptiness booms in your ears, drowning whispers of comfort and courage, I look ahead and smile. There they are, smiling back, lifting my heart, asking if I’m okay, staying by me even if I don't make sense, giving sweet comments on my pictures, asking if I need money, laughing with me, calling me mummy with an exclamation mark, spending time untangling the mess I’ve made.

Thank You, angels.

I have issues. But this time there’s no tears, only resolution.

I will settle the issues. I will be happier. I will open the windows to let out the stench of suppressed misgivings. Emotional teh ais? I’m tired of it; and I’m sure you are too.