Warning: Incoherencies ahead

Yesterday, I laid down my pen. Today, I picked it up again, because you can only ignore a deadline for so long.

I went for a talk on the history of Malaysian student’s movement back in the pre and post Merdeka era, which was enlightening and thought-provoking. A veteran student leader from the 60s was also there as special guest, and when he went on the stage – a casually-dressed Malay man, probably in his 50 or 60s, with a mildly amused, occasionally cheeky expression – something in me bowed.

This man has seen history. Heck, he’s made history. The talk showed newspaper pictures of him protesting and giving talks and sitting in the office of the student body with piles of files (yes, back then UM student body has their own building, cafeteria and even their own scholarship. In comparison, we are fighting for our own parking space in the uni).

And he said something I very much needed to hear. Or rather, he said something that induced me to think of something else, which turned out to be what I really needed to think about. Erm. Well, it happens to me all the time. Song lyrics that I misheard turned out to be inspiring (imagine my embarrassment when I realise the singer has meant something entirely different), and quotes that I remembered wrongly motivated me during my down days.

Perhaps my mind knew the answer all along, it just needed something to explode out of my thick skull. I’ll admit, this is a flimsy explanation. But I’m never much good at figuring out myself.

Anyway, I won’t quote the veteran student leader because I don’t remember what he said exactly. But he was telling us how he had wanted to study medicine but could not afford it, and one of his friends (or teacher?) told him that actually, one more doctor in the world wouldn’t make much of a difference. But if you really believe in being a doctor, then you should change the system so that more poor people can afford to study medicine and be doctors. Something like that.

And that, somehow, answered my inferiority as a writer. Yeah, ingenious writers are abundant in this world. I am but one writer, and wouldn’t really make a difference. The world doesn’t need more writer, but it does need more people who believe in Writing. People who will write because it is what is right, and not merely because it is a job, or a venting tool, or…

Okay, this sounded better in my head. I thought I was inspired, but now I’m not so sure. Everything above reads like blabber.

I’m a writer without a pause.

So why am I posting this other than to waste your time? Because I can. It’s my blog, and high time I start believing it.